Week 5: Friends

SESSION GOALS
The point of every session is a main idea with the goal of informing our knowing, feeling, and doing.

MAIN IDEA: Jesus calls you to befriend others the way He has befriended you.

Head Change: To know that making friends makes you vulnerable and open to rejection.

Heart Change: To feel thankful that Jesus, the best of friends, put His life on the line for you.

Life Change: To seek to be a good friend instead of getting good friends, and to get comfortable with needing others.

OPEN
What is your earliest memory of friendship? Who was your first friend at school? Are you still friends – at least on Facebook? Who have you been friends with the longest?

In this session, Anthony shares his experience of losing (at least temporarily) his childhood best friend and explores what it is that keeps us from making the kind of friends we need. Thankfully, Jesus is the greatest friend we could ever ask for, and He shows us how to be that kind of friend to others.

VIEW
As you watch, write down how Anthony answers these questions.

• What goes hand in hand with every offer of friendship?
• Why did Anthony struggle to make close friends?
• How did Jesus model friendship?

Show SESSION #5: Friends (11 minutes)

REVIEW
Anthony tells the story of his first best friend, Paul. Paul moved away, they lost touch, and this caused Anthony real grief. Who’s your best friend? How long have you been friends? Do you agree with Anthony that friendship makes you vulnerable? Why, or why not? If you feel comfortable doing so, share an experience you’ve had of losing a friend. Was the loss of the friendship your fault, your friend’s fault, both, or no one’s?

When a friendship ends for some reason, we may harden our hearts to protect ourselves from ever being hurt by a friend again. Do you tend to do this? If so, how’s it working out for you?

In a previous session we noted that even though Adam found himself in a perfect environment, it wasn’t good for him to be alone (Genesis 2:18). We need friends, and research indicates that most men don’t have near enough really good friends. Has this been your experience? Do you feel as if you need people around you, or are you content on your own? Do you think anything in your life would change significantly if you intentionally began to pursue friendship? If, like Anthony did, you have trust issues when it comes to friendship, what caused this mistrust?

Anthony confesses that his superficiality complex was compounded when he became a pastor. He was living by a false mantra: ‘You can’t lead the people, if you need the people.’ This, and moving around every few years, kept him from investing in deep friendships. What has kept you from making deeper friendships – work, moving, preconceived ideas about yourself or others, or something else? Have you overcome these obstacles? If not, what’s your next step?

Jesus modelled a version of friendship far more beautiful than anything we could’ve come up with. He left heaven and arrived on earth saying, ‘I want to call you friends!’ He loved and led people, but at times also told them He needed them. He wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable. When was the last time you told a friend you needed them? What does this tell you about yourself, or your friends? If you had an emergency at 2 a.m., which friend would you call? Why? Who would call you at 2 a.m.?

Anthony says, ‘God became a man and formed a band of brothers. There were three with whom He was very close, then twelve He lived with 24/7, sharing everything, then seventy with whom He spent a lot of time.’ Did everything work out for Jesus, in terms of all these friendships? Why did He befriend people anyway? How does His example apply to who and how you befriend people?

To take our friendships to a deeper level, we need to be the kind of friend we’d love to have. Practically, how could you be a better, different, deeper friend to someone in your life this week?

Jesus said, ‘Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13). Have you ever put yourself in danger to save a friend? For whom would you be willing to die? Why? Who do you think would die for you? What does Jesus dying for you tell you about His reliability as a friend?

Anthony tells the story of hearing a gospel message years ago when he doubted God even existed. He suddenly understood that what Jesus did on the cross was personal – it was for him, even though he was still God’s enemy. Jesus was taking the punishment he deserved so he could be forgiven and friends forever with God. Anthony says, ‘The heroic deed had been done, the ultimate love and friendship forever clearly demonstrated. The offer was clear – Jesus was saying, “I want to be your best friend.” I could accept it or reject it, but ignoring it had huge consequences and was no longer an option, because now I’d finally begun to understand it.’ Can you relate? When did you realise for the first time that God’s offer of friendship was for you personally?

Anthony ends up reconnecting with his childhood best friend, Paul. Is there someone God is nudging you to get in touch with, maybe after decades? Why do you think it might be important to reconnect with this person? What’s your next step?

BIBLE EXPLORATION
Read Matthew 28:20 and Hebrews 13:5. Is there a point in the future at which God’s love for you will run out? Is there a future point at which Jesus will no longer be with you or be your friend? Do you think your friends believe you’ll be their friend forever? Why, or why not?

Read some or all of the following Proverbs, which talk about friendship: Proverbs 13:20, 16:28, 17:9, 17:17, 18:24, 27:6, 27:9, 27:17. Can you think of examples from the gospels when Jesus modelled this kind of friendship? Take one of these verses and discuss what it would look like to apply it on a Wednesday morning or a Saturday night.

Consider the friendship stories or Elijah and Elisha (2 Kings 2), Ruth and Naomi (Ruth), David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18–23), and any others that stand out to you. How did these friends display loyalty, trustworthiness, and selflessness?

LAST WORD
Take a moment to let the truth sink in: Jesus wants to be your best friend. You can accept or reject that relationship with Him that can make every other relationship better. He vulnerably makes the first move as He offers to be the kind of friend who would – who did ­– give up His life for you. May you accept Jesus’ friendship, and may you go and befriend others with the same vulnerability and love, inviting them to know Jesus too.

DEEPER WALK
Select at least one activity below to complete before watching the next session.

Read: Read 1 Corinthians 13:1–13 in a few different Bible translations or a paraphrase like The Message. What is God saying to you? How will this kind of love play out in any one of your friendships this week?

Write: Which friend has put themselves on the line for you? Send them a handwritten note thanking them for modelling Christlike friendship.

Pray: Form your own ‘band of brothers’ prayer group. The joining requirements should be trust, vulnerability, and authenticity. Aim to meet regularly to share and pray for one another.